Lately I am feeling kinda disillusioned with the world, I notice more and more as people interact that a lot of things just don't seem authentic anymore, and to be completely honest with you, that hurts. It feels rotten to me, just the idea of how everything has become preformative, and I mean I can't say I am not guilty of being preformative sometimes as well.
I am autistic and trans and I feel like I lack authenticity. I mimic behaviours that I believe to be desirable and suppress those that I believe to be viewed as undesirable to others. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't take a toll on you. so that is why I decided that I want to try and run a small blog of sorts, something to just kinda explore parts of myself and kinda vent certain idea's.
I mean this as in: I am autistic which makes me mask my feelings, and I am trans which makes me recieve a lot of commentary on how I act from average personNow I don't intend to make this some sort of venting blog where I do nothing but vent frustrations and talk about feelings (I have a diary for that). Instead I want to focus on 2 main things
Now as suprise to no one, this obviously includes autistic trans people finding it hard to navigate life and therians. But I have more then just that going on in my life. I am also a university student who wants to earn a phd in computer sciences one day. So quite a decent amount of posts will be me sharing advice on how I learned how to study and what I found to help me a lot
this of course means that this will be rather personal. While studying has some obvious dos and don'ts I am not going to act like the systems that work for me will work for everyoneWhile my site tends to be very colerfull with little animations and stuff, I decided to keep this subsection of the site to be more barebones. The reason for this has reasons. namely I want to keep this lightweight. People come to a blog to read, meanwhile a personal website is more of an expresion of oneself (in some sense). So not only would it be nice to allow anybody to easily read this due to the lightweight nature of site but I also feel like it is way less distracting.
Of course I am not planning on abandoning my sites design, I put quite a lot of work into it, but I do want to have something that's a bit more sober if you will. I did add a dark mode and I hope that doesn't change anything, just felt it would be appropriate seeing that many people find bright colors to be rather harsh on the eyes.
I might make an RSS feed of this soon but I personally want to wait a bit since I don't want to make a feed only for me to shortly abbandon the blog. So if there isn't a feed after a few weeks then there probably won't be much blog to track with it anyways.
anyway ty for reading :D